A Time to Give Thanks

I honestly can't believe that Thanksgiving has come and gone already.  This time of year always feels a bit different to most.  It's the holiday season that gives us that little reminder to take the time to reflect on and cherish what we are most thankful for in our lives. 

Clint and I have gone through and have overcome obstacles in our lives that many do not endure over a lifetime.  I sit and think about where we were only a few short years ago, and cannot believe at how far we've come.  There are days that I wonder how we ever made it this far.  In six short years together, Clint and I have gone through over fifteen surgeries, between the two of us.  Some major.  Some, fairly routine.  We have lived through the terrifying experience of me having a mini-stroke.  We have dealt with emotional ups and downs through the journey of getting pregnant, while dealing with infertility, to dealing with high risk pregnancies to difficult deliveries, but learned how to hold on to each other tighter because of it all.  We have shared heartache over the loss of what we thought our daughters' life was going to be when we received her diagnosis, but ended up embracing the life that she does have.  We have gone through extreme financial difficulties, but know that we are where we are because of the sacrifices we chose to make to better the lives of our two miraculous little girls, and know that no matter what, we will always find a way.  We have experienced more than we ever imagined together, but we've learned so much through it all.  We've gone through our struggles, and at points, yes, we almost gave up, but there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't thank God for showing us the way through all of the difficult moments.  Had we given up, we would've missed out on all of the amazing things that we have been blessed enough to experience as well.  Through all of the pain and "impossible" moments in our life, we have also seen such great love, hope, and faith.  Those things, I am so very thankful for.

We have new journeys that we are embracing as well.  We are going through the process of building and owning a home.  This too, was quite the unexpected journey.  We have partnered with Habitat for Humanity, and through them, we will finally have the dream of owning a home, come true.  We are working very hard in order for this to happen.  We are going to be building a handicap accessible home, and although Taleigha may be making incredible progress, and starting to take steps independently, we still don't know exactly what our future may hold, so we feel that an accessible home, will be extremely beneficial for our family.  Taleigha struggles with incredibly low muscle tone, so building a home with less "risk" is what our goal is during this process.  I can't tell you how grateful and fortunate we feel for this opportunity.  Not only is one of our biggest dreams becoming a reality, but, along this journey, we have been able to meet some of the most incredible people.  I couldn't even begin to say enough about the people working for and volunteering for this organization.  They will always have a special place in our hearts, for they have very much become a part of our family.  I will forever be thankful for this chapter of our lives.

I am always thankful for my amazing family, immediate and extended, especially my parents.  They have been two of the most supportive people in my life over the years, and there aren't words to describe how much they mean to me.  They have been two people that I have been able to rely on when things were at the hardest.  I am lucky to have the family that I have. 

I can't possibly list off all of the things I am thankful for, because I truly have been very blessed in my life.  Things aren't always easy, but somehow, the good always finds a way to shine through the dark.  I thank God for holding me close and guiding me.  You know, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", right?!  I joke at times that He is clearly giving me too much credit!  But really, I know that with Him by my side, I will always be able to get through anything that comes my way.  We have been able to learn and grow so much because of every single experience.  Who wouldn't be thankful for that!?

I Give Thanks!

I Give Thanks!

I hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving!

"Everyday, you make me smile.  Everyday, you make me glad to be a Mother.  Everyday, you make a memory that I never want to forget.  Everyday, I'm more THANKFUL than the day before that you are my little girls.  Everyday, I look at you and wonder how I ever lived my life without you... Everyday!"

Time to Enjoy

The last couple of days have been so extremely hectic and busy, that sometimes I forget to take the time to enjoy what is right in front of me.  We all need to just take a moment out of each day, to relax, and truly treasure all that we are blessed with.  Sometimes, it is really just the simplest things that we forget to appreciate!!

I took time to really enjoy my kids today and it felt sooooo wonderful.  It's not that I don't enjoy my children every single day, it's just that I found myself not worrying about all the things on my never-ending and lengthy 'to-do list' for the day.  I just sat.  Content with the fact that it was all about my girls.  Nothing else.  We played, and watched some of their favorite t.v. shows... We giggled and acted silly.  We read books together.  We colored and scribbled on paper!  We took a little drive.  And yes, we even did a little bit of "fun" cleaning!!  Taleigha helped!  

Taleigha was so absolutely adorable.  She helped Mommy by holding the dust pan as I swept up the dining room.  She then took a rag and helped me scrub up the little sticky spots that always seem to form under the booster chairs while the girls eat.  I would say "scrub, scrub, scrub" and it wouldn't be long after that Taleigha would say "sca, sca, sca" in her attempt to mimic me.  She didn't want to stop after all of the obvious "spots" were cleaned up, so I decided that I would just follow her lead and go wherever her little heart desired.  We eventually made it all over the dining room and kitchen.  Then, it was on to vacuuming!  We have a short bare floor vacuum that just so happens to be Taleigha's height!  I stood her up, propping her against my body as I stood behind her, and together, we pushed the vacuum back and forth... moving from one place to another, somewhat awkwardly, but we made it work!  She was quite the helper, and such a big girl!  Honestly, we had so much fun. 

Taelyn.  Oh, she just makes a smile appear so easily!  The fun of today continued with her standing in front of the couch by Daddy while I was sitting at the dining room table trying to take care of some paperwork.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Taelyn, trying so hard to sneakily pass through the dining room to the kitchen (a place that in our house, means trouble)!!  As her wobbly little self would attempt the walk through, she would peak over in my direction to see if I was looking.  She would get to the doorway, and I would jump up, and in a jokingly manner, would say "what do you think you're doing!?!!" while running after her.  That would bring so much excitement to her!!  So much so, that she couldn't keep much balance, eventually falling down into her crawling position, at which point she would try to scurry away from me as fast as she could!!  I would scoop her up in my arms, and tickle her until exploded with laughter.  I carried her back over to Daddy by the couch, set her down, and I took my seat once again at the table.  Wouldn't you know that she would just make the attempt back to the kitchen again, only seconds after my tush hit the chair?!  And of course, Mommy would do the same thing to stop her from getting to her destination!!  This happened over and over and over again, for at least a half an hour straight!  At certain points, these events nearly brought tears to my eyes because of the amount of laughter that was coming from, not only Taelyn and me, but Dad and Taleigha as well.

I never wants days like today to end.  Days like today bring out so much love, excitement, enjoyment and fun in a crazy, busy, hectic, and overwhelming life.  These were definitely moments that I want to keep in my mental 'treasure chest' forever!  

If only we all took more time to just simply, enjoy!

Stay Positive

I really try to live each day, staying as positive as I can.  I have to remind myself of that on certain days, however...and well, today would be one of those days!

"Stay Positive Brittany!"

Today was just one of those days that I knew I had to prepare for ahead of time.  We had to meet with a specialist today in Madison for Taleigha.  Whenever we have a specialty appointment, we know that things about our daughter are going to be evaluated, dissected, analyzed, picked apart, and assessed.  It's an emotionally draining time that we know all too well.  Some of the analyzing showcase the greatness in Taleigha's already achieved abilities, while other analyzing may reveal the difficult side of our reality... That her abilities aren't quite that of a typical 2 1/2 year old.  Even though we already know the reality of our situation, sometimes it is the hearing and analyzing of it that tugs at our heart a little more than usual (kind of like the example that I had used in a previous blog entry about Taleigha being side by side with a typical child her age.  It's then that the "reality" truly hits us).  We met with a Developmental Pediatrician/Therapist.  Taleigha's medical Geneticist thought that it would be a good idea to meet with her to talk about some "area's of concern".  With as much as I had tried to prepare for this today, I found myself failing to keep a strong hold of the positivity during the day.  Don't get me wrong, I did see the positives, but the (for lack of a better word) 'negatives' tugged on my heart a little harder than I had hoped.

First and foremost, it sounds as though we may have gotten somewhere today regarding the ongoing sleeping issue for Taleigha.  We will hopefully (keep our fingers crossed) be able to have a sleep study done within the next few months.  We explained our situation as this: Taleigha has never been a very good sleeper, and things have only gotten worse as time has gone on.  It would take forever to explain what we've experienced throughout her entire life (and yes, I mean entire life) but, to try and summarize, even as a newborn, Taleigha would sleep for roughly a half an hour at a time, and then she would "wake" with a horrifying cry that could last for hours, and nothing would console her... nothing.  I could hold her, cuddle her, rock her, feed her, dance on my head while singing a song (lol), and nothing could get her to snap out of what seemed like such an unconscious episode.  We have been told by many that it seems as though Taleigha has a sleep disorder: Night Terrors/Confusional Arousal.  Well, as I stated, things have only gotten worse with time.  Right now, on an average week, five out of the seven nights during the week will result in a night terror episode.  Out of those five nights, we will have one night that is extremely severe, in which the episode will last for several hours.  An average night for us is, Taleigha going to bed (and may I just say, that she goes to bed like such a big girl!!!  She gets tucked in, with hugs and kisses, and she goes right to sleep!  She never gets out of her bed!), and sleeping for roughly about an hour... maybe two if we're lucky!  It is then that she starts screaming.  They are heart wrenching screams.  They last for hours.  They are accompanied by her thrashing her body in all directions.  Nothing comforts her.  She doesn't even seem to be awake.  We truly know that these are not behavioral actions.  If they were, she would stop the "behavior" if we took her out of her room, put the T.V. on, tried giving her a treat, or even tried letting her play, but none of those things even make a hint of a change in her during the episodes.  Today, we finally found someone that was willing to stand by us and support our want to have a full blown sleep study.  It will be reassuring to finally have that done, regardless of what the outcome turns out to be, because at least we will then be able to try and come up with some sort of 'plan of action' so to speak on where to go from here.  Maybe there is something going on that is causing Taleigha's episodes.  Maybe it is exactly what we've been told they thought it was, a Night Terror.  Either way, I will feel better knowing that someone is taking a closer look at the situation.  Quite frankly, none of us can continue going on like this.

We also talked about making steps towards getting Taleigha seen by another specialist that could help even more in the speech and language department.  We are looking at the possibility of getting some sort of communication device.  We really believe that Taleigha's understanding of language far exceeds her ability to actually speak.  This could be a huge help!  She may have less frustrations during the day, if we were able to communicate just a tad more than we are able to now (even though she does an incredible job with her sign language, we are still limited on the amount of communication at this point).

The doctor also discussed the possibility of Taleigha having Autism along with Cri Du Chat Syndrome.  For whatever reason, my heart just couldn't handle this!  I mean... I KNOW that it wouldn't really change a thing for us.  It would just be an additional diagnosis.  We would still continue her therapy and doctors appointments that she already has.  Our daily life would continue to go on in the same way as it does right now, and Taleigha would still be Taleigha... the beautiful and amazing girl that she is!  So, I can't quite figure out why this "possibility" would bring tears to my eyes, but it did.  It's almost as though that "possibility" had changed something emotionally in me.  It's something that I have yet to figure out how to explain.

I look at my precious little girl, and I see this look in her eyes and it is comforting to me.  It's then that I can regain some of my strength that I may have lost during the day, because no matter what any day brings, all I have to do is look at her and I know that I truly have a miracle for a daughter.  What a great reason to STAY POSITIVE!

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From your child with special needs: "Mommy, I know that there are times when your strength grows weary, your courage gets short, and things are overwhelming. I feel the same way. Hang in there with me.  I know there is a special plan for us and I pray in my heart that you know how much I love you."

I couldn't help but share this with you.  I found it on the HOPELights Facebook page (which is truly amazing, by the way).  It touched my heart! 

A Reason to Smile

Thank God for days like today!  

Even in the midst of a terrible day, a smile can form so easily because of our little girls!!  

We had company this morning and to say the girls were excited about that would be quite the understatement!  Taelyn wasn't exactly sure what to think at first when our visitors came!!  She checked them out and showed them her more serious side until she was able to warm up a bit.  After that, it was all fun and games... smiles and giggles!!  She was definitely showing off her fairly new walking skills as well!!  I'm pretty sure that Taleigha wanted to show them every toy, blanket, doll, book, or stuffed animal that she owns!!  Haha!  She didn't even know what to do with herself while they were here! She would grab something, bring it over to them to show it off, and then it was off to the next thing!  That continued for the entire hour and a half that they were here.  Then, something so unexpected happened.  Taleigha started crawling away (towards her room), and I said, "Taleigha, what are you doing!?".  She stopped and looked back at me.  She said, what seemed like a sentence (in her cute little babbling, of course) that ended with the sign language for 'puppy', and then proceeded to crawl into her room.  When one of our visitors asked us what that meant, Clint and I looked at each other with such a look that only we could understand.  I said, "If she comes back out of that room with her puppy, I might just fall over!!"  I'm pretty sure that our jaws fell to the floor when she popped back out of her room carrying her little black puppy stuffed animal!!  I could have just cried at that moment!  My daughter, in her own little way, told us what she was going to do!!! :)) Such an unbelievable... indescribable feeling!!

Isn't it just amazing that God finds a way to remind us of the joy and happiness and blessings we have... no matter what we might be facing!?  

Remember... There is always a reason to smile!!!  

"The Beautiful and Innocent Soul She is..."

I came home from work today, and saw that my husband had a new status on facebook.  It simply said, "I don't see a syndrome, I see my daughter. The beautiful and innocent soul she is. I see how she has changed not only me, but friends and family as well. I am so proud to be the father of such a wonderful little angel."  It completely melted my heart.  It made me fall madly in love with Clint all over again.  To know that I have someone in my life that can say something so sweetly, to love so perfectly... It reassures me that I truly have someone very special.

We have had so many conversations about Taleigha's diagnosis.  It's so weird because, quite frankly, there are days that the diagnosis never even enters my mind.  We look at everything that she can do, and know that that is just our normal!  Taleigha, being our first child... We never had a "typical" situation before.  All we had is what we knew.  It really isn't until Taleigha is "side by side", so to speak, with another typical child that is the same age, that we get a little bit of a reality check.  It is in those moments when we have the most difficult times.  That is when we see the things that Taleigha may not be able to just yet.  But we have hope.  It's hard though.  I'm not going to lie.  It's hard to see another 2 year old, walking and running around... using full sentences and able to communicate things with what seems like such ease.  We have obviously always known that things were "different" with Taleigha, but I guess sometimes we just don't always realize how different.

We are starting to see that Taelyn has caught up, quite quickly, to Taleigha.  Taelyn has shown us a bit of what typical actually is.  It's crazy to see the two of them together... It's like having twins!  In so many ways, that is exactly how we feel... like we have twins! ;) They are just about at the same stage developmentally.  Sometimes its hard to think about the day that Taelyn may very well "pass Taleigha up".  We just keep telling ourselves that that is just not something we need to worry about right now.  We need to just fully enjoy where they are both at, and know that we have been so blessed with what we have in both of our children.   

I have weak moments.  I'm allowed!!!  Things can get difficult.  Things can get tough.  But I thank my dear Lord, for always being by my side during those times.  It is through Him that I can see the perfection in our imperfect life!!  :)  

A Start to Something Amazing

TODAY!?!  Today was such a day of inspiration for me.  Perfect to start something like this, right?!  Guess where the inspiration came from!?!!!  My two beautiful little girls.  My children are starting to walk!!  They are taking their first steps.  What mother wouldn't be proud and full of inspiration?!?  Well, I guess you could say that my excitement goes just beyond that of a typical mom.  A "typical" mom would just think that walking was just part of their children growing up.  You know... a natural progression of things!  Well, for me, it's a little bit different!!! :)

Today, I watched my 2 1/2 year old daughter, Taleigha, take her first steps!  She was leaning her little body against her "big girl bed".  You could just see the anticipation building in her as we told her to walk to Daddy (who just so happened to be holding a "motivational" piece of candy: a yummy flavored sucker!).  She wiggled and wobbled, anxiously wanting to take off on her own two feet!!  With her outstretched arms, she gained enough balance to put one foot in front of the other, quickly crossing the room and eventually falling into Daddy's arms.  As she made her way, you could see the pure excitement in her face.  It was in that moment that tears came to my eyes.  I had just witnessed yet one more little miracle from this precious girl.  Taleigha had a smile and a giggle to follow the brand new accomplishment.  Oh, she was so proud of herself!  She was beaming!!!  To say that her dad and I are proud of her too, would be quite the understatement.  Her whole life has been one major accomplishment after another.  The things that we consider to be huge accomplishments in her life, are most often the "normal" accomplishments of others!  She has been able to get where she is today because she has an amazing amount of strength, determination, and courage.  My daughter is beautiful.  My daughter is full of hope.  My daughter is such an inspiration.  MY DAUGHTER... is special needs!  

Today, I watched my 1 year old daughter, Taelyn, take a few more steps!!  She is just so darn cute!  She has been gaining a little more confidence with each passing day to bring herself into a stand and slowly, but steadily, take steps towards us.  She made her first few attempts at walking about a week and a half ago now.  To see how far she has come in such a short amount of time is so special to us!  She takes a few steps and stops to clap for herself in excitement (sometimes throwing herself off balance a bit though :)) and then continues towards her destination.  When her destination is me, she makes her way over just to practically jump towards me.  She smiles and smirks and laughs and I can't help but do the same!  She too, is oh so proud of herself!  And we are very proud of her as well!!  Little does she know, but Taelyn is doing even more than just learning to walk!!!  She is her sister's motivator as well! :) She is just as much an inspiration, if you ask me!  My beautiful, precious Tae!

Today, I felt joy, and happiness, and hope!  TODAY!!!